Children in Care and Behavioural Issues: Understanding the Roots

Jayne Tanti
Mar 10, 2025
3 min read

When a child in care acts out, through anger, defiance, or withdrawal, society often labels them as "troubled" or "difficult." But behind these behaviours lies a deeper story of trauma, loss, and unmet needs. These behaviours aren’t random; they’re expressions of pain, shaped by experiences of neglect, abandonment, and instability before and during care.

Understanding the roots of these behavioural issues requires compassion and an awareness of how trauma impacts emotional regulation, brain development, and attachment.

The Impact of Early Trauma

For many children in care, life before the system was marked by instability, neglect, or abuse. These experiences are more than just memories, they shape how a child’s brain develops and how they see the world.

Survival Mode: Trauma puts a child’s brain on high alert, constantly scanning for danger. This hyper-vigilance can look like aggression or defiance when, in reality, it’s a survival mechanism.

Emotional Wounds: Neglect and abuse teach children that their emotions don’t matter or aren’t safe to express. As a result, they may struggle to identify, understand, or regulate their feelings.

Attachment and Abandonment

Children form their understanding of the world and relationships through their earliest bonds. When these attachments are disrupted, due to neglect, abuse, or separation, it leaves a lasting mark:

Fear of Rejection: Many children in care have experienced abandonment, making them hyper-sensitive to perceived rejection. This can lead to clinginess, withdrawal, or outbursts when they feel insecure.
Difficulty Trusting: If early caregivers were unreliable or harmful, it’s hard for children to believe that others will be different. Trust issues can manifest as defiance or refusal to accept help.

The Role of the Care System

While the care system aims to provide safety, it often unintentionally exacerbates emotional struggles:

Frequent Moves: Changing homes, schools, and caregivers disrupts a child’s sense of stability, reinforcing the belief that nothing and no one is permanent.
Lack of Emotional Support: Many children in care receive practical help but miss out on the consistent, nurturing relationships needed to heal from trauma.
Stigma: Being in care can make children feel "different" or "less than," leading to shame and acting out as a way to cope.

How Trauma Impacts Brain Development

Early trauma affects the very structure of a child’s brain, particularly the areas responsible for:

Emotional Regulation: The part of the brain that calms intense emotions develops more slowly in children exposed to stress, making it harder for them to manage anger, sadness, or fear.
Impulse Control: Trauma impacts the ability to pause and think before acting, leading to impulsive behaviors.
Memory and Learning: Chronic stress can impair concentration and memory, making school and social interactions even more challenging.

What These Behaviors Are Really Saying

When children in care act out, it’s their way of saying:

"I don’t feel safe."
"I’m scared you’ll leave me."
"I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling."

These behaviours are not "bad" or "naughty" they’re cries for help, rooted in experiences no child should have to endure.

How We Can Help

To support children in care, we must shift our focus from punishment to understanding:

Trauma-Informed Care: Equip caregivers, teachers, and social workers with the knowledge to recognise and respond to trauma.
Consistent Relationships: Children need stable, reliable adults who will stick by them, even when their behavior is challenging.
Emotional Education: Help children name and understand their feelings, teaching them healthy ways to express and manage emotions.
Therapeutic Support: Access to counseling and therapies like play therapy or trauma-focused CBT can make a world of difference.
Patience and Compassion: Healing takes time. Children in care need adults who will meet their pain with empathy, not judgment.

A Call for Understanding

Every outburst, every act of defiance, and every moment of withdrawal is a sign that a child in care is struggling with emotions and experiences far beyond their years. They don’t need punishment or rejection; they need love, understanding, and support.

Let’s stop labelling children in care as "problematic" and start seeing them as resilient individuals doing their best to navigate a world that has often let them down.

Children in Care and Behavioural Issues: Understanding the Roots

Understanding the roots of these behavioural issues requires compassion and an awareness of how trauma impacts emotional regulation, brain development, and attachment.

The Impact of Early Trauma

For many children in care, life before the system was marked by instability, neglect, or abuse. These experiences are more than just memories, they shape how a child’s brain develops and how they see the world.

Survival Mode: Trauma puts a child’s brain on high alert, constantly scanning for danger. This hyper-vigilance can look like aggression or defiance when, in reality, it’s a survival mechanism.

Emotional Wounds: Neglect and abuse teach children that their emotions don’t matter or aren’t safe to express. As a result, they may struggle to identify, understand, or regulate their feelings.

Attachment and Abandonment

Children form their understanding of the world and relationships through their earliest bonds. When these attachments are disrupted, due to neglect, abuse, or separation, it leaves a lasting mark:

Fear of Rejection: Many children in care have experienced abandonment, making them hyper-sensitive to perceived rejection. This can lead to clinginess, withdrawal, or outbursts when they feel insecure.

Difficulty Trusting: If early caregivers were unreliable or harmful, it’s hard for children to believe that others will be different. Trust issues can manifest as defiance or refusal to accept help.

The Role of the Care System

While the care system aims to provide safety, it often unintentionally exacerbates emotional struggles:

Frequent Moves: Changing homes, schools, and caregivers disrupts a child’s sense of stability, reinforcing the belief that nothing and no one is permanent.

Lack of Emotional Support: Many children in care receive practical help but miss out on the consistent, nurturing relationships needed to heal from trauma.

Stigma: Being in care can make children feel "different" or "less than," leading to shame and acting out as a way to cope.

How Trauma Impacts Brain Development

Early trauma affects the very structure of a child’s brain, particularly the areas responsible for:

Emotional Regulation: The part of the brain that calms intense emotions develops more slowly in children exposed to stress, making it harder for them to manage anger, sadness, or fear.

Impulse Control: Trauma impacts the ability to pause and think before acting, leading to impulsive behaviors.

Memory and Learning: Chronic stress can impair concentration and memory, making school and social interactions even more challenging.

What These Behaviors Are Really Saying

When children in care act out, it’s their way of saying:

"I don’t feel safe."

"I’m scared you’ll leave me."

"I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling."

These behaviours are not "bad" or "naughty" they’re cries for help, rooted in experiences no child should have to endure.

How We Can Help

To support children in care, we must shift our focus from punishment to understanding:

Trauma-Informed Care: Equip caregivers, teachers, and social workers with the knowledge to recognise and respond to trauma.

Consistent Relationships: Children need stable, reliable adults who will stick by them, even when their behavior is challenging.

Emotional Education: Help children name and understand their feelings, teaching them healthy ways to express and manage emotions.

Therapeutic Support: Access to counseling and therapies like play therapy or trauma-focused CBT can make a world of difference.

Patience and Compassion: Healing takes time. Children in care need adults who will meet their pain with empathy, not judgment.

A Call for Understanding

Every outburst, every act of defiance, and every moment of withdrawal is a sign that a child in care is struggling with emotions and experiences far beyond their years. They don’t need punishment or rejection; they need love, understanding, and support.

Let’s stop labelling children in care as "problematic" and start seeing them as resilient individuals doing their best to navigate a world that has often let them down.

To every child in care: You are not your behaviour. You are worthy of love, stability, and a future full of hope.

#ChildrenInCare #TraumaInformedCare #Attachment #EmotionalRegulation #SupportNotJudgment

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