You’re Not Lost - You’re Shedding That Version of Yourself

There’s a moment when you look in the mirror and don’t recognise the person staring back at you. Not because you’ve changed in the way most people do, new haircut, a few more lines on your face, but because the person you used to be is slipping away. And it feels like a loss.

For care leavers, that feeling can be terrifying.

We are raised in a world of instability. We learn to carry the weight of our pasts in silence, to pack our lives into bin bags, to start over and over again until we lose count. We build versions of ourselves for survival, versions that fit into new homes, new schools, new expectations. Versions that can take the hits, whether they’re physical, emotional, or the invisible kind that remind you you’re different, that you don’t belong.

So when we start to heal, when we begin to shed those survival skins, it feels like grief. Like losing a part of ourselves.

And that’s scary. Because who are we without the fight? Without the constant edge of survival?

I’ve been there.

I’ve felt the loneliness of growth. The fear of stepping into a version of myself that doesn’t need to apologise for existing. I’ve stood in front of people who still see the broken version of me and wondered if I had the right to move past it. If I had the right to be whole.

But I have learned this: 

You are not lost. You are shedding.

Shedding the shame that was never yours to carry.

Shedding the belief that your worth is tied to your past.

Shedding the need to prove you deserve love, stability, and kindness.

It’s not easy. Some days, the weight of your past will try to drag you back. Some days, the version of you that knows how to survive will whisper that you’re safer in the struggle. But you’re not. You are allowed to step into something softer. Something steadier.

So if you feel lost right now, know this,

 You are not disappearing. 

You are becoming

and You deserve to become.